Fanatics
by spottedhorse
Summary: Jim Brass's investigation is sidetracked by a case of mistaken identity.


This flashed into my head after a couple fo red thong commments from my story 'Crazy'. We fans do think the most amazing things about our Brassman and his alter ego, Paul Guilfoyle. I wonder how many whacky fans PG has come acorss that were ready to jump him, lol.

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Jim Brass entered the casino all business, at a quick pace. The call had come through about a shooting on the main floor near the craps tables. He was reasonably sure what the end result of the investigation would be; some loser lost it and went postal, taking out several patrons as he did. Jim hated these cases; they were senseless…more senseless than usual.

Shaking hands with the casino manager he was assured of the casino's full co operation before he moved to the scene. The CSIs were just getting there and beginning to appraise the scene. An officer had a group of witnesses corralled in a nearby corner and Jim made his way over.

"I'm Detective Jim Brass, LVPD. Anybody see what happened?" he asked.

To his right, a woman began to snicker. His eye twitched as he tried to figure out why she was snickering. "You see something?" he growled.

The woman, around 40 with dark hair and light eyes, looked at him as she tried to swallow her snickers. She shook her head negatively. He took in her features and gave her an appreciative glance over; she wasn't hard on the eyes he decided. Glancing at the woman next to her, he repeated his question.

"Oh, that's good," she said as her companion began to snicker again.

A grin threatened at the corner of his mouth. He didn't know what they found so amusing but their good humor was contagious. "Look, this is a homicide investigation. If you saw anything…"

"I _loved _you in 'Random Hearts" the first one finally said.

"What?" He looked at her, completely baffled.

"Oh yeah, when you were on that desk and then you got up…just too cute," she giggled.

"Yeah, and so sincere when you were talking to Harrison Ford about his wife. It was delicious," the first woman added.

Brass frowned and shook his head.

The first woman leaned toward him. "But my favorite was Primary Colors…."

"No, no…" said her companion. "Air Force One…when you got shot…you were very realistic, I thought."

Now Brass was totally confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you can drop the character for us. Is this a new movie? God, I hope so…" the first woman said dreamily. "I've missed seeing you on the screen."

The second one nodded in agreement. "Of course, there's that crime show you did for awhile…I tuned in every week," she added.

"Oh yeah, that character was scrumptious and so funny at times…I just wish they'd given you a romantic interest."

"Let me repeat myself," Brass said emphatically. "I am Detective Jim Brass, LVPD. This is a homicide investigation."

"Could I get your autograph?" The first one looked at him eagerly.

"What?" He was losing patience.

"Your autograph? Please? I know we're messing up your scene but you can shoot it again. Tell your director it was your crazy fans…"

"Autograph? DO I look like Tom Cruise?" Jim had decided these were the densest women he'd ever met.

"Tom….oh no," the first one giggled. "You're Paul Guilfoyle, silly…nothing like Tom Crusie. He's not nearly as cute as you." The second one nodded. "I could just hug and squeeze on you all day," she said. The first one shook her head in agreement. "Or all night…" she giggled.

Jim liked the mental picture that the two women created. He just wished he was this Paul guy. "Okay, I get it. I look like some second rate movie guy. But really, this is a homicide investigation. I need to ask you some questions, okay?"

Woman number one smiled. "Okay. But I think I like you better when you're the bad guy," she said. Woman number two smiled and agreed. "Yeah, like in Beverly Hills Cop two or L.A. Confidential. You were all over those women …and they were totally into you. I'd like to replay one of those with you," she giggled.

"How much you had to drink tonight," he finally asked as he rolled his eyes.

"Mmmm, just a little," Number One answered. "Mmmhmmmm," agreed Number Two. "You know, I have this fantasy about you…"

Jim cocked his eyebrow. This he had to hear. "You do?"

"Yeah," she grinned. "You and a red thong…"

"Okay, I get it…." He waved her off as embarrassment washed through him. "Um, why don't you two go sleep it off somewhere. Leave your names with the officer over there and we might be in touch later."

"You can touch me anytime, honey," Number One said as they walked away giggling.

Jim watched them leave and shook his head. He was going to have to check this actor guy out. Apparently he had some pretty nutty fans. He turned to another potential witness as he heard Officer Mitchell snicker behind him.

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As always, reviews are most welcome.


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